so as i sat alone beside a spanking lake of ducks while the kids mulched around the forest, i felt like i finally understood the nature of solitude, its beauty arched in the complete sensation of a 7 degree day matched with a setting sun. it was so cold i couldn't think.yes in a gorgeous combination of numbness matched with the exhilaration of breath-taking surroundings, i grasped my final moments.it will be much the same when i move into that lovely light atop nepal. all else would fade and no more recurring pain of memories and lost causes.

then i reached the hotel and decided for some reason to check my texts.it's been a week since i let technology interfere with my inner peace.big mistake. i get a slew from kat lamenting the heartaches of betrayal and self-loathing.no different from my dark days which i refuse to re-visit.so i thrashed them and shrugged it off and another's suffering which only affirmed the futility of love in our realm of human existence. it really isn't worth any breath when there's so much beauty in the artlessness of nature and its lovely offerings. i shall devote the rest of my days to that alone, because it can do no wrong, unlike the human capacity to hurt and destroy. i suppose it takes us a lifetime to really grasp what is really important in life to invest our emotions and trust in. and human relationships are definitely not one of them. i've learned this the past decades, and this year especially the harshest lesson in trust. there is no such thing as eternal love because unlike the instinct of baser animals to nurture and protect, man as darwin aptly postulated, is merely in it to survive at all costs.