sentiment vs solitude

so the students did the marvelous in managing to grab me where it meant most. it's not about the gifts but the heartfelt sentiment they express in their cards. one girl said she was moved by the way i connect with the class and another boy, short of confessing his infatuation, seem to get what i'm there for. it's not about imparting knowledge so much as to make them see life at all angles. i feel more like a guidance guru these days than a lit teacher tbh.

victoria drew this. she's really got an eye for the surreal



that however conflicts with everything i've done to withdraw from the rest of my life. i feel a general sense of disinterest in helping or caring because i don't see the point of any of it when all it leads to is either higher expectations or disappointments. these are things i don't articulate in class because i put on a charade of caring and it's only autopilot to look like i'm actually listening. what makes me fulfill and function is really about guilt or obligation. this is something i need to convey by next year before anyone gets too attached to me.


joey n xiumin, potentially attachees


caught in a moment admiring their gift