getting to the root

so while getting a root canal for my top 4 incisors last week, i thought about how life was similar in that in order to stop and numb our pain we sometimes need to just remove the source of it. just as dr lai killed the nerves of each tooth i wanted to ask him if he could do the same for our emotions haha i must've been high on meds with my mouth wide open. for some reason i started to tear and he asked if  i was in pain. i don't know why i got so emo in the middle of a procedure. perhaps i got to thinking about how 2011 has been a crappy year all around. from physical to psychological upheavals too many to recount (scald,renal issues,accident to a general malaise of tired indifference with every possible betrayal of trust). then my mom's near death experience made me re-think the point of medical intervention. i guess as i lay on the dentist chair, i acknowledged the futility of despair as well as hope. none of them matter when you reach a neutral state of disinterest. i even welcomed the next root canal for the lower incisors because at least it meant something else was getting fixed, when all else seems pointless.

i'm going to relish PEL, but i don't want to bring anyone else down with me. i'm really sorry to those who feel otherwise. that includes you, j and anyone else who has some strange attachment or expectations. i can't deliver anymore when i have nothing else left to give any of you.