clarity.

i've decided not to meet with any of the mutual peeps because it is regressive and unhealthy. i truly want to erase every single memory of the past years and they only serve to remind me of the painful stuff. that includes even remotely being updated because i don't want to care an ounce of the present. our lives have diverged for good measure.

i don't bear any grudges. i don't want to carry this into my day nor let it ruin my sense of peace and harmony.god willing there will be no more forms of contact or chanced meetings. that would be best. it's like she doesn't exist anymore and i don't want to know anything about her from this point on. it doesn't help me to heal. in a year all this would truly be so faint and obscure that if ever anyone asked, my mind would draw a complete blank. the circles will dissolve and well as i've maintained, some peeps are meant to be in them while others never again.

i'm just looking forward with time with the kids. my health threatens to shorten this so well, i'll make the best of what's left. i hope they will have deep and meaningful moments seeing the world with me while i can. i've invested all my time, energy and finances getting these plans ahead. it's like my sole mission in life. on my end, i also want to traverse the beauties of nepal and discover it for its intrinsic value. that should be a defining moment of clarity. i know i'm meant to be there.

next week i may just do a quick recce if time permits. i'll chuck down on friday to see how feasible it is. god knows i could do with a quick getaway from the heat and boredom. perhaps i'll return even more sure of what to do with my restless energy. paying it forward seems the most sensible and right.