cougars and cuckolds

today while lunching with kat,i realise why i try to avoid one-on-one time with her.she always wants to talk to me about her r/s with xinni. i guess i'm the only one she's out to but seriously, at which point does she realise i'm not in the mood to celebrate her happiness,least of all when all she reminds me of is how well things are going with her where i failed in every aspect to keep things going with mine.she has a misconstrued idea that she has a // life with mine which is nothing further from the truth.

anyway she mentioned today that xinni had told her she might be interested in another girl, to which i assured kat that it's just a game they play to get your attention/jealousy etc.if she were, she would be furtive about it.it makes me sick that peeps her age seem to play that card from their misguided insecurities.at which point do they realise that the older partner has to suffer the insecurities of losing the one they've taken pains and sacrifice to take care of in their older disposition?

it just seems twisted that in every age-disparate relationship the older stands to always be treated as dispensible.once we've served our purpose, be it as provider,guidance counsellor,surrogate mom, etc we're chucked aside for a fresh new model.and that is the curse of the cougar.she must put up with these terms because she is destined to nurture or fall for the vulnerabilities of the younger.kat will surely have to see this herself, in her blind attempts at buying them a home,paying for her bills and spending waking hours listening to her woes despite work fatigue.the trade-off?a feeling of gratification often borne of ego and misplaced vanities.

whinge not.

it's been a really lousy start to the month.today i think it hit an all-time crap low but i'm not jinxing it because more to come tomorrow at the biggest exam of GP.
so i reach cjc with something in between shruggish indifference and anticipation of running errands after (yes that is the highlight of my day). i get there and see my old sickly colleague mr lee waiting outside the hall.it's 20 minutes to exam time and it's still locked.so we make convo and i ask him what was his malady and he disclosed a string ranging from hypertension to heart failure. the poor guy is always ambling about in constant states of drenched persperation. why can't the admin just cut him slack and choose someone in better health??

so when the slack peeps in charge get their papers sorted out they hand us our stash and once again i've been alloted the classroom close to johor. i swear its some godforsaken wing on campus.good thing is i can surf on my netbook and actually sit. turns out its a room of private candidates, one looking close to 30. anyway, mr lee and i are partnered and we start to administer the assorted chemistry exam paraphanelia only to realise, hey they sent us off without the question paper.ok human error is forgivable. so i text vincent goh who's the cpe and no reply comes, so it's 10 min to the start of the paper and i couldn't expect mr lee to trundle back to the hall.while i'm about to go, the pe, who's this officious army-like incik (but w/o the calibre) walks over and chides us for leaving w/o the qps.i'm privately thinking, wtf, i just saw you give it to the other classrooms which means you forgot to bundle it with everything and sent us off.

fine.one demerit to the cjc staff. when i try to tally up the attendance sheet to seating and we're short of one question paper.these idiots give you just the right number, or so they think. standard exam is always give the invigilators at least two extra. so i text and call vincent and again it goes to voicemail. so it was on me to stride to the hall to get one.when i get there, the hall is already filling up with students.i gesticulate to vincent pointing to my hp like wtf? then he asks me what was wrong and by this time i'm breaking an ugly sweat from the humidity.i tell him the glitch and the other pe, some matronly loserish woman has the audacity to say, oh just ignore that candidate, he's not in your room. and i'm thinking, his name is on our list, we have to account for him, and then i think in heavy sarcasm (see i hate sweating it brings out the worst in my complexion and temperament),'wow you could've told us earlier,it's really quite simple.' by which time this has attracted unwanted attention from other teachers milling around the stage area.so i rush back trailing with 'good lord' probably audible to the entire exam hall.

right.what just happened there? simple. i hate incompetent,and rude and extremely low-level intelligence, esp in a place of academia. what it so hard in including little messages, please note the following amendments etc? perhaps i've been spoilt by the efficiency of ajc with zero-tolerance to errors which can be prevented. but i guess what set me off was that retard man and his tone. i have a natural disdain for male-authoratative figures whom you can instantly read as having issues with your 'strength' or should i say sexuality. i think he was obviously rude to me because he alrd gave me a once over the last time i was there.

gawd i cant believe i let a stupid ep like this ruin my chi. i just dread the rest of my 9!!! duties here with that combi of moron and rude.anyway poor vincent had to apologise for their gaffes and i felt bad if he had to explain my dramatic shout-out haha.told him just tell them you've never met me coz i'm from jjc.

i want to be in nepal. stat
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found a six-pack of kroenenburg blancs for 22bucks at giant.i am appeased