supernova

and as i herald the new year with much anticipation and relief, i acknowledge my final journey as the person i was always meant to be, a figure if you will, to always be adored from a distance, approachable yet unattainable. that's how it's always been as a child. i could never keep close friends because privately i always felt like they were just another species. and no one,hard as they tried, could ever tie me down to any form of relationship. because innately i resisted being a part of anyone.

i'm no superstar, but i totally get where elvis,mj,cobain,winehouse,speed et all were coming from, and why they all were the loneliest stars in the universe.because in that extended metaphor, you can never shine with other stars around. and rather than languishing for more, i've achieved everything i could possibly want in my work,family,love life, and personal bests. or as jo aptly put it tongue-in-cheek,'you're not a sad spinster like aunty von, coz you've got us.' haha i guess we've made amends and a whole lot of closure since japan

i've reached a point where i've served my function to all who matter. i think i already did that years ago:

as well as to my 24 'kids'

this shall be my last entry.
i'm closing this down because it has served its purpose.i've made and said my peace.

as i breathe my last,i will go with the best sum of all parts
jo's whiny mehs, jill's artless giggles, lexi's annoyed groans
your big warm palm on the small of my back,your strong fingers in me, the comforting laundered scents of your gunny-sack polo,watching you preoccupied and dextrous in math,your quaint elemental saltiness,those melting pools,the small gentle voice at the other end of the line

good karma all
love and light
namaste

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. 

- Joseph Campbell