broken wings.

i've decided to give her a chance. how can i not be moved by someone who has shown such unconditional love and concern. this latest ep has proven to me that love translates to real effort and sacrifice. even when i turned down her offer for tlc she turned up with porridge and fruits all the way from woodlands without me even wanting to see her in my sorry state.she said it was ok.sigh. perhaps this shall be her role in my remaining time.sadly she's willing to be a nurse of sorts, which i honestly rather not her to be.

and even as my friends question my decision, i can't really explain to them why i made that choice, dating someone 'below my league', settling for someone i'm hardly attracted to. i can't explain it any clearer than she fixed me. through her devotion, though unrequited, is annoyingly consistent. it shames me at times, but in moments of vulnerability i choose to let her attention distract me. i'm not proud of the things i've done, but our humanity succumbs to irrational bouts of need. and well, if she healed me in some way, that couldn't be all bad. it was she who held me through the night as i sobbed about feeling lost and betrayed after i worked so hard on a r/s. i remember her assuring me with, i would never in a lifetime let you go, she has no idea what a find you are. perhaps that explains why she was always a threat to the other.because what she may not have in looks she more than made up for in character and substance. 

at least now there won't be lust issues. i won't be treated as mere meat to fulfill some sick desire. and she is so low maintenance and yet so attentive. she'd come over at a drop of a hat when i'm feeling vulnerable, which is what i need right now in my life. no expectations or neediness. and it happens that she's always delivering on her promises and not mere lip service which was what defined my last r/s. i guess when i'm gone, i can only hope she finds someone who will treat her with so much more regard she deserves.