boundaries.

that's probably something of an achille's heel as long as i've been working. perhaps being wired with empathy isn't always a good thing. it's esp hard when i'm consciously trying to detach from caring about anybody.

today a student whose been dating another in my class wanted to know what i had spoken to his parents about.so i just leveled with her and said i was discreet, only assuring them that she was decent and grounded.i mean what else could i say, no she's a bimbo and would make dizzy little children with your son? haha so her friends waited while i dispensed this after class, and she throws me off with, can i give you a hug? wot. i said, i'd prefer cash but relented by standing awkwardly statue like while she gushed. what's with kids these days?i know im congenial but certainly formal enough to stand off such familiarity. besides i don't want to grow attached to any form of sentiment when i know i can't sustain any of it in time.

then her friend intimates that she wanted to talk to me privately about something joey my class leader told her i could relate to.i was thinking, great another lesbian agony story or worse, joey's not been discreet about my cougar-experiences w ex-students and now i will have a new title of lesbian cougar added to my infamy.

anyway as i told m, i'm so done with this side of me. i can't keep making myself approachable for such petty needs because often i find myself lying about how life would work itself out or any variety of platitudes in that regard. it's a fucking sham. life will shit on you, r/s will fall apart and never be the same, you will meet a certain death and decompose to obscurity so all we're really working towards an inevitability of lost causes. in the meantime, seeking advice from an elder is merely another facile attempt at coping with the shitload of disappointments ahead.

perhaps in a state of post-medicated stupor i may just let that all out someday.i'd love to see the ramifications of keeping it real, esp to the naive and nubile.
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joey just disclosed she's harboring a huge crush on her history teacher, none other than rachel lee.hahah what are the odds. sigh i didn't have the heart to tell her that rach herself told me she doesn't swing that way. or maybe i should.that'd be another lesson in how life will never be what you think you want.