triggers.

watched a tube w the shrubs when we first moved in. suddenly missing them so much it hurts. if anything, they defined my heart and soul. made everything worth getting up for.

got a text from her last night acknowledging what we had.only saddened by how she saw it as mostly lust. that's ok. i can't convince her nor is there any point in doing so..some things are best left unexplained. i know i will go to the grave having given a part of my heart to someone who didn't grasp the sacrifices and pain of betrayal

anyway i've made peace with everything and everyone. i'm done with this life. a tiredness wears me everyday.i sleep fitfully and walk around zonked and disinterested.it's just pointless trying to harness any feelings about anything. i just look to the end.that's all.