pain is relative.

slept fitfully last night, woken by a nagging sore pain on the left side of my back. it could be a muscle strain from bouldering or who knows, maybe a renal issue. it's ok, i merely breathed deeply and tried to confront it with a blase attitude of whatever.

it reflects every other trial in my life of suffering. it's not going to go away so i just have to face up to it head on and then sigh and shrug it as a sum of all parts. what's a girl to do? it's inevitably part of the human condition. more importantly i'll have to learn not to treat pain as something huge. it will continue to hover over the rest of my existence.

so i drove down to get my car serviced and now i'm hanging by the pool after a light work out at the gym. it's so tranquil here. with yurima coursing through my ears and a general lull overwhelming my senses. i may just fall asleep. that defines my day. whenever the urge to reminisce or regress threatens to intrude my thoughts, i let my eyes close halfway and zen out. it makes everything slow down to a pace of general detachment. i've already come to terms with the fact that thinking or dwelling never helps in any way. it merely stagnates.


i've learnt to also deflect the pain. every time i feel like it's going to pervade my senses, i shift my focus on a neutral object. a leaf, a cloud, an insect, a piece of wood. the more innocuous the better. it's a zen prop if you will. and amazingly it works in centering my emotions to a harmonious calm.

QED indeed.
namaste.