breathe.confront.embrace.be
though these mini ones @$400 for each seem tempting, despite the awful experience w acer
jo would love the 'papaya milk' and jil the 'banana cream' haha
often when they're not noticing, i glimpse at their future selves and so far i'm assured that they'll be grounded and sensible teens. jo is showing up to be a really cool kid with values intact, never bending nor alienating, some balance she's maintained in her own discernment. they also get along so well and i can already see them hanging out way into their adult years.
see, i don't actually have to be present, just imagining that warms my heart. and i know they'll get on well without my physical presence because i've already left behind so much of my legacy and love. they're such amazing people i can't even begin to describe the depth of my love for them. and their love for each other reflects that very love i've raised them with, so i feel no fear nor regret. in fact, just watching the laugh, tease, discover, gossip, listen -- these are the moments i'll bring with me in peace.
i can only hope ck will keep in good health and spirits because it'd be wrong to leave esther with all that responsibility overnight. fate willing he'll live till 80 unlike his dad. even so, i can almost see jo and jill living together, jill getting the groceries, jo trying to prep a meal, both reminding each other about school/work matters, walking lex at the beach, jill learning to drive, jo giving poor directions, jill exasperated but accepting about being the designated driver haha. all these are so clear in my head just watching them grow from strength to strength. they are and always will be my one sole reason for being born. that is the surest mission in my entire life. they've taught me so much about myself and how to become a better person, just by being who they are, always real, always true.
